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The Mercury Cars Guide : September 19th 2009
6--- Classifieds 62 300 400 • carsguide.com.au Saturday, September 19, 2009 Miles of smiles in the fast lane Car crashes are not funny. Or are they? Mark Hinchliffe finds out ENGLISH comedian Jasper Carrott had an hilarious stand-up routine in the 1980s in which he simply read out real accident insurance claims. Examples were: ''Leaving for work I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was five minutes early; I bumped into a lamp post which was obscured by human beings; Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven't got.'' He also did an equally funny routine using genuine Australian insurance claims such as: ''The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him; The bloke was all over the road I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him; and I told the police I was not injured but on removing my hat I found I had a fractured skull.'' So Carsguide enlisted the help of car insurance company Budget Direct to find out if motorists were still as funny as they were 20 years ago. The answer is a resounding yes, judging by some of the claims the company unearthed. Budget Direct communications offi- cer Richelle Ward said they didn't know what to expect when they started searching for funny claims, but were delighted by what they found. ''Insurance can be a serious busi- ness, but this just shows the lighter side of things,'' she said. ''It's interesting to see how many involve animals and children.'' She said insurance claims ranged from ''timeless classics'' to ''left field'' and simply bizarre. ''Some of the 'timeless classic' ex- cuses we get on our claim forms include drivers who sneeze and lose control of their vehicle, rats and mice eating through the electrics, and en- thusiastic children who help mum and dad wash the car --- with sandpaper,'' she said. Some of the following insurance claims from Budget Direct are direct quotes from the form and others are in the words of the insurance assessor: 1. ''I was driving along in the right lane. I wound down the window, because I was smoking. It was a windy day and a gust of wind came in through the car. It took hold of the steering wheel and I lost control of the car and collided with a car that was travelling beside me in the left lane.'' 2. The client admitted being dis- tracted as he was perving on a girl walking on the street (apparently she was blonde, and he likes blondes). 3. A client heard a noise and even though she had purchased a new vehicle (picked it up brand new from a dealership two days prior) she slammed on the brakes thinking there was something wrong with her car, because her old car would make noises and then conk out. 4. ''I was driving along and did not notice a give way sign and collided with the sign. I did not lose control I just did not see the sign.'' 5. ''I was reversing out from under my house and forgot the hatch was up, The spoiler was then knocked off when it hit the floor of the house.'' 6. ''I have locked my keys in my car with my baby in the car. I was unable to get into the car so called 000. The fire brigade used an axe to break the window to get into the car, however at one point they missed the window and put a hole in the door.'' 7. ''I came home and parked outside my house. I went inside my home, when I looked out of my window two cows were jumping on the car.'' 8. ''The car was parked at work and a dog was off its lead and chased after a kangaroo and the kangaroo collided with the side of my car.'' 9. Client said that he found cows in his yard that were jumping up on the vehicle. He said cows left ''presents'' all over his vehicle as well. He claims they walked some distance to get into his yard. Photos are pretty funny too. 10. ''I went into our garage to find my three-year-old pretending to wash our car with sandpaper causing dam- age.'' 11. ''I parked my car at the shops and came back to my car and found damage on the driver's door. My aerial had been bent over pointing to a note that said 'ha ha'.'' 12. Client parked vehicle outside his friend's home in country Tasmania and when he was about to leave he found two goats on top of the car eating apples from a tree. 13. Police called and advised they had recovered one of our insured vehicles. The car was being trans- ported across the country and had fallen off the back of the vehicle transporter and was found sitting in the middle of the road hundreds of kilometres from anywhere. 14. Client collided with another vehicle while doing a U-turn. Client claims GPS told her to do it as the GPS said it was safe to make the turn. We leave you with a final claim from an Australian as read by Carrott: ''I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel.'' DJ MOTORS USED CARS 24862 15x8
September 12th 2009
September 26th 2009